Dear James, if you know love, then you know that “love is dangerous” because people think that love is about looking into each other’s eyes, kissing, and all the movie stuff. True love is allowing someone to hurt you but trusting that they will not. For some, it comes many times but for others, it comes once in a blue moon. When you have it, you really enjoy that movie, especially the soft and sweet stuff. However, you must know there will come a point when that bubble will pop and when it pops, you be ready to land either bruised or brave because you know that there is more than cloud #9 to this.
They say the top reason for divorce and unhappy marriages is money and literally this goes back to basic instincts. The fancy term for this is called Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Money comes right there at the bottom with physiological and safety needs. This is because if your basic needs such as water, food, and safety are not provided, you will feel un-secure about how things are going in your life and the same goes with the money. When you are on cloud 9 you do stupid things, because, while you are in that bubble they provide the necessary sustenance of the bottom two levels. They give you water and food and give you safety, you have allowed Cloud 9 to be the base of your life and lifestyle. That is first sign that “love” is dangerous but here is the thing it is not real love, it is actually lust, There is a great story of lust, love, and trust in the Bible shall we;
Samson and Dalilah, a summary shall we; so, Samson was a powerful king and fell in love with Dalilah. She was bribed to tell enemies how Samson had supernatural strength. Dalilah on multiple occasions tried to learn the source of his power but he refused to share where his strength came from until one night when she wore him down and he told her that his hair had never been cut since birth, finally knowing his secret she cut all his hair and his enemies were able to attack (Judges 16:4-19)
Samson was on cloud #9 and genuinely in love with Dalilah and she had other motivates and that is the second sign that love is dangerous. You both need to be in it for the same reasons. In the beginning, it is tough because we are trying to be cute, play hard to get, send cute pictures and the list goes on. But if you are serious about each other, the masks must eventually come off and you must show each other your true colors, and sometimes people are that good. They can tell you what you want to hear but if you are serious about each other and come to that stage of telling each other your true motives, making sure that they are the same, and not only via WhatsApp but in actions, “actions do speak louder than words” because the problem here was the Samson knew that he set apart, he knew he had supernatural strength but like all of us he just wanted love, that is all. Sometimes you are not even looking for it, it just happened, and when it does it is great. The late-night conversations and calls, the “good morning” texts the whole-day conversations it is literally the best. You also have to remember that, God set Samson apart with his supernatural strength and He has set you apart for someone too.
Back to the premise of my conversation, money. It is the root of all evil, and when you forget that you are set apart and that God has someone who is supposed to be yours in all the right ways you allow little things, like money to chain you. We can agree by now that money is the root of all evil but more importantly, we should look at how money is being used and abused within relationships and that makes it purely evil. When you allow it to chain you, keep you, confuse you, and even hurt you because at the end of the day, you know he is not going to pay you back but you still have faith in him, you still trust in him and believe the pure lies he spits out all the while forgetting that you are set apart.
Money is bad but so are you for forgetting who has your love story in His hands. We always want to take control of it ourselves, we want to happen while sitting next to him on the train, or bumping into her down the street or the best is, “We started off as work colleagues and the rest is history”. Now it is not impossible but if it is your love story you are playing out it often does not always play out as you truly fantasize. There are some of you who feel that love is not for them for whatever complex reasons. It Is not complex you just want to make it complex because you think you are not like everyone who wants to be held and kissed without thinking about it. If you want to kiss someone, anyone whether it is someone you kissed yesterday, on Valentine’s, on News Year at Afropunk, or before Afropunk, you would kiss them. All in all, you determine your love story.
You need to remember that you are set apart. When things become toxic, when you really want him but you know he is bad for you, when you know you are not going to get that money back, when you know that there is no substance to the relationship it is purely physical it is time to remember that you are set apart, to remember that there is someone out there and that their motives are pure unlike Dalilah and do not allow your basic instincts or values to be misled because she is out there saying to you and other’s “I am just a nice girl”. Know you are set apart and treat yourself like that because when you are able to treat yourself like that, people understand the level of respect that you deserve and need in order to be in your space.
You need to understand that whether it was James or John or even Dalilah that let you down and made you question the power and influence of money or anything else that can hold or hurt a relationship, you always need to remember that you are set apart, set apart for someone who can really care for you in a way that you desire to be cared for. Do not let money confuse you, and do not give into lust because they say the right things, because it curses them to use that is against you. Instead allow the true love story to be told by God because when it is, it is the best.
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Until Next Time
